I’ve been listening to the audiobook of Tim Winton’s brilliant novel Breath and I was thinking how this scene is so much about writing, about taking on the big scary story, about writing alone in your room and loving it because you have gone somewhere you never thought you could or would, discovered things about yourself or your characters. Pikelet and Loonie and Sando have just been surfing the big waves at Barney’s.

from Tim Winton’s Breath

Heading home from the first day at Barney’s, bone-sore and lit up, we relived the morning wave by wave, shoring it up against our own disbelief. By common assent, Loonie had caught the wave of the day. It was a smoker. I was paddling back out through the channel when he got to his feet. The wave reared up, pitched itself forward and simply swallowed him. I heard him scream for joy or terror and could only see him intermittently as he navigated a path beneath the warping fold of water. He was a blur in there, ghostly. When finally he shot out and passed me, he looked back at the weird, dilating eye of the wave and gave it the finger.

Geez, I wish we had a camera, he said afterwards, as we chugged back through the forest. It was too good. Shoulda got a photo.

Nah, said Sando. You don’t need any photo.

But just to show, to prove it, sorta thing.

You don’t have to prove it, said Sando. You were there.

Well, least you blokes saw it.

My oath, I said.

But it’s not even about us, said Sando. It’s about you. You and the sea, you and the planet.

Loonie groaned. Hippy-shit, mate.

Is that right? said Sando indulgently.

Orright for you. You got plenty of shots to prove what you done. Honolulu Bay, man. Fuckin A.

All that’s just horseshit, said Sando. It’s wallpaper.

Easy for you to say.

Sando was quiet for moment. You’ll learn, he said in the end.

Loonie beat his chest there in the confines of the Kombi cab.

Learn? Mate, I bloody know!

I laughed but Sando was unmoved.

Son, he said. Eventually there’s just you and it. You’re too busy stayin alive to give a damn about who’s watchin.

Mate, said Loonie, straining to maintain his bravado. I don’t know what language you’re talkin.

You’ll be out there, thinking: am I gunna die? Am I fit enough for this? Do I know what I’m doin? Am I solid? Or am I just… ordinary?

I stared, breathless, through the broken light of trees.

That’s what you deal with in the end, said Sando. When it’s gnarly.

How does it feel? I murmured.

How does what feel?

When it’s that serious.

You’ll find out.

Like, I mean, twenty feet, said Loonie subdued now.

Well, you’re glad there’s no stupid photo. When you make it, when you’re still alive and standin at the end, you get this tingly-electric rush. You feel alive, completely awake and in your body. Man, it’s like you’ve felt the hand of God. The rest of it’s just sport’n recreation, mate. Give me the hand of God any day.

Shoulder to shoulder in the cab, Loonie and I exchanged furtive looks. There was something of the classroom about Sando, the stink of chalk on him when he got going, but my mind was racing. I’d already begun to pose those questions to myself and feel the undertow of their logic. Was I serious? Could I do something gnarly, or was I just ordinary? I’ll bet my life that despite his scorn Loonie was doing likewise. We didn’t know it yet, but we’d already imagined ourselves into a different life, another society, a state for which no raw boy has either words or experience to describe. Our minds had already gone out to meet it and we’d left the ordinary in our wake.